this room is leaving me behind.

For as long as I can remember, change has bothered me. Not so much the changes I can control, but the changes I can't control. I don't mind change so long as I have chosen to implement it. If I've ever told you, or you've ever heard me quoted as saying, "Change is inevitable...change is beautiful...change makes the world go round (I distinctly remember writing that in an essay once)..." or something like that, don't call me up and start arguing with me. I realize I say some contradictory things. I am a contradictory thing. "I'm a walking contradiction." I love and hate almost everything almost equally. I am of differing opinions about most things over the course of a day. Today I presented arguments against one thing and then for that very same thing within a single topic within a single conversation within a single glass of beer. I don't know. Love me or leave me but don't try to change me.

Here's what's bugging me. When people change, which is one of those changes I can't control, one of those changes nobody consults me on, it really bothers me. I don't like it. I'm hurt, depressed, angry, confused. Like I said earlier this weekend while some friends and I were talking about these changed people, when you're friends with someone, you make an investment. It's give and take. (And don't start with me. I know that sometimes I take more than I give. There may be some people reading this and thinking, "Huh. Well, he hasn't called me lately." I'll call you soon, promise.) But you make an investment. Two people start a friendship together, you nuture it, you can see immediately its potential and you take the proper steps to insure that this friendship reaches its potential and that you are both able to reap the rewards that a proper friendship has to offer.

You offer someone your couch to crash on. You clean the vomit off of that couch. They buy you lunch and you laugh about it. They cry, your shoulder gets wet and salty and they thank you the next day when they feel better. You give them a couch for their new apartment. You then crash on their new couch. You call them from a foreign country and they throw you a party when you get back. Time passes. Lives get busy and you don't see eachother as much but that's the way it goes. People have things to do, it doesn't mean anything.

Or does it?

Does it mean that during this time apart they turn into exactly the people you dislke most in the world? Do they go throwing their bodies and emotions around with reckless abandon? These same bodies and emotions you encouraged them to safeguard and treat with respect and share only with those who most deserve and respect them? Do they forget who they are, who they have been and who they can become?

Apparently that's exactly what it means.

You gotta keep 'em separated.

List! So I meant to do this a while back but here it is now. A top 5 list. What are your top five favorite songs from artists that you don't actually like? You hate the artist, and, in spite of yourself, can't deny that you enjoy one of their songs. Which ones are they? Careful. If you think a Creed song might sneak on your list, don't mention it here. I don't want to know about that. Here are mine:

George Michael - "Faith"
Jewel - "Foolish Games"
Nelly Furtado - "Like a Bird"
Seal - "Kiss From a Rose"
Dave Matthews Band - "Crash"

get that future out of my face.

Recently, I made a list of the careers/hobbies I want to have. I want to:

-own and operate a Turkish restaurant and a restaurant with a variety of options
-teach History
-coach high school baseball and/or GM a major league team
-own a woodshop and craft fine, handmade wood furniture
-make a movie, of stills (photos) which is also silent
-there were others but I have forgotten them.
-write a book.

I would like to live in Germany, along the Rhine, for maybe a few years. I would also like to have some kids, little girls. Little girls, like cats, you can ignore and they end up mostly ok. They don't really want to have anything to do with you anyway. Just kidding mostly.

Big Papi.

Big Papi.
Originally uploaded by jmporter.

David Ortiz is amazing. Another walk-off win. Clutch.

Mr. and Mrs. Keazer

IMG_4677
Originally uploaded by jmporter.

Well. They're hitched. It was awesome. There are some pictures of the rehearsal, pre-wedding preparation and the reception at my flickr page.

Those crazy kids.

Those crazy kids.
Originally uploaded by jmporter.

Can you believe it? They're actually getting married. Those crazy kids. This Saturday at 4pm on Whitney Mountain. If you want to wish them well, or, even better, get them a gift, check out their page on the knot.com

I like a Pop-Tart every once in a while.

Do yourself a favor and read this.

My New Bike

My New Bike
Originally uploaded by jmporter.

Here's my sweet new bike. Got it for $100, it's in great shape. I just cleaned it up, put some new handlebar tape on it, aired up the tires and bought a helmet. Did I mention it's sweet? Thinking of a name for it...

The sweetest thing.

On August 20, after a day full of surprises, I got down on one knee and proposed to Jamie. She said yes. We've been happily engaged for nearly a month now, making plans and moving along. Jamie shows off her ring every chance she gets. We designed it together at Romance Diamond Company on Dickson Street and they custom made in a few weeks. We're getting married on June 3, 2006.

Note: We'll try to get a picture of us and, more importantly, the ring, as soon as we can.

The truth, well you know there's no stopping it.

It's time for updates. One-liners, headliners. There are so many things going on it would be impossible to summarize the last month and a half.

Tomorrow (later today) I start my evening job at Butterfield Trail Village, washing dishes. Should be fine, perfect hours for me, 5pm-9pm three nights a week, every other weekend. As soon as the school year starts and settles down I imagine there will be plenty of substitute positions for my Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. If not, I could probably work with my dad or find something else.

Amber's having a baby girl in November. She seems really excited and I'm happy for her if she's happy for herself.

My mom and Mike went to Rhode Island for a sailing course and are now licensed sailers and are looking for a lady of their own.

Only 9 hours away from my bachelors degrees in History and German.

Things going swimmingly with Jamie, we're in love, making plans.

I really like the new White Stripes album.

"The Ballad of Jack and Rose" was really good. Touching, in ways both chilling and heart-warming. "The Skeleton Key" was interesting, different. And it was free. Thanks Shook.

I think that's a decent start. It should get the ball rolling, at the very least.

You know where I've been, you know where I'm coming from.

I've been home for a little over a month now. Arkansas is the place to be. I could have been posting, there are things to be said, but I have been busy. I'll get back to that soon, hang in there. Like I said, there are things to be said. Soon you will hear them. "You'll be the first and last to know."

Tomorrow.

So. In 39 hours I will be home. 39 hours sounds like a long time. Tonight at 8pm, Christian and Romana are picking me up at the apartment and we're going for a beer on the way to the train station. My train leaves Graz at 9:26 and arrives in Vienna just after midnight. Austria thinks nobody wants to go anywhere, least of all to the airport, after 7pm, so I'll have to take a taxi to the airport. I'll either check my bags when I get there or sleep on top of them in the airport until 5am, when I can check in. My plane leaves Vienna at 7:05am Vienna-time (12:05am Arkansas time). It will take about an hour and a half to get to London. My plane leaves London at 10:35am London-time. Or as I like to call it, "stepping time." (You like that one, Jamie?) About 7 and a half hours later, I'll be in Chicago. Back on our time. The real time. In the real world. My last plane leaves Chicago at 4:55pm and I'll be in Arkansas at 6:45.

I was hoping to sleep late today, sleep most of the day away so maybe it would go faster. But no. I woke up at 8:30. Last night the idea of sitting in my apartment watching Austrian TV was horrifying, so I went to the Royal English Cinema and saw "Batman Begins." I liked it. That's really all I'm going to say about it. I thought it was great, exactly what I wanted it to be, entertaining. I was home at about 11:45 and went to bed, rolled around for an hour or two and fell asleep. That was the last night I will sleep on the world's most uncomfortable mattress, without a pillow. My bags are completely packed. Everything fit, which surprised me. Actually, I think I did a better packing job this time than when I came over here. In my backpack I put just clothes, top to bottom except for a few books at the top. So bottom to almost top. In the suitcase there are some more clothes for padding, my computer and two bottles of wine. Hopefully the bottles don't break and ruin my computer. That would be a double whammie. I need to burn my pictures and music onto CDs and erase them from my hard drive when I get home. My computer is choking to death because of all those pictures.

Yesterday I went to the last two home games of the season. Unforunately the Dirty Sox lost both games, and both games were called early according to the mercy rule. Before I went to the game I went over to the train station and bought my ticket for tonight. Since it was Sunday, the only grocery store open was the Spar at the train station. So I got some sandwich stuff and snacks for a one-man picnic at the baseball field. I met Romana's parents, Tommy's parents and Tommy's best friend, who is a nice woman whose name I have forgotten because I'm a terrible person who forgets nice people's names. I tried to explain baseball to Romana's dad, but that's hard to do in English and nearly impossible in German.

Ah, I've been in here too long. I'm going to go pick up some döner, take a shower and make sure everything is in its right place.

I'll be home tomorrow. Can you stomp to that beat? I can stomp to that beat.

Three Days.

Today I turned in my last papers and pick up some of my grades. I stayed up all night doing them, that's sort of my style. Once I admitted to myself that they didn't have to be perfect and that something was better than nothing, it went pretty smoothly. I picked up some groceries, went to the apartment, made tacos, ate too many tacos, watched "Bull Durham" and fell asleep. After I woke up I cleaned my room some more and vacuumed. I hope I can get everything packed up and to the airport with as little stress as possible. Three days. I narrowly avoided some sort of breakdown this week. Things were looking pretty dire. I haven't felt that way since high school, out of control like that, like I had no control over my thoughts. It went away though. I'm not sure why the walls started closing in on me, so close to being home. I sure wish I was home already. I wish I was home in May. But I'll take three days.

Some things I think and I think you should know:

The most popular dance song in Austria this summer is "Summer of '69" by Bryan Adams. No, I'm not kidding. It's not a remix either. Bryan ****ing Adams.

Escalators are a very dramatic way of going up and down.

I want to like Keith Foulke. He's probably more frustrated than the fans are. But if you're paid to do a certain job, and you can't do it, maybe you shouldn't do it, or at least shouldn't be paid for it. And you certainly shouldn't insult the people who are paying you to do the job you're not doing.

Tom Cruise needs to disappear for 8 to 12. Just go away. Take a breather. For everyone's sake.

I'm more dependent on the internet than I ever thought I would be.

I'm nervous about Bush nominating Supreme Court Justices.

Ugh. Way too many tacos.

My girlfriend is super awesome.

One week away.

Eye Candy.

Whew. Just finished uploading a lot of pictures on to Flickr. I organized them into sets according to where and when tehy were taken, but I only titled a few of them. Only time will tell if I get around to titling them all, it may have to wait until I get back or at least until that period bewtween my finals and my flight home. I think I fixed the countdown clock, it should be correct now but I'm not sure, that thing confuses me. Since I've been back in Graz, I've gone back to a high-fiber, high fruit and vegetable, low fat diet and I'm feeling a lot better. Three weeks of red wine, pizza, beer and pork made me feel a little sluggish. The trip with Jay and David was a lot of fun, good times, no fighting, great weather for the most part. Check out the pictures. As far as the pictures are concerned, my biggest regret is that I didn't get more pictures of the statue of John the Baptist in Florence. It is a really interesting statue and I think would have made a better picture if I'd stood a little farther to the right. Oh well. Wow, this computer lab is hot. It's time for dinner too.

Two Weeks Notice.

I will be home in two weeks. I will rejoice, you will rejoice. Let's all rejoice together.

Back in Graz. 22 days and counting.

Hello, we (Jay, David and I) are back in Graz now. We got in last night around 9:30. I've got to go to class and do some homework over the next couple of days. On Thursday, we're going to Munich for a couple of days before Jay flies out on Sunday. I took a lot of pictures, maxed out both of my CF cards, but I'm not sure if I'll get the chance to upload them. It might have to wait until I am home, in 22 days. 22 days.

Italy.

Hello. Tonight I'm taking a night train to Milan to pick up Jay from the airport. We are doing a short trip in north Italy and then coming back to Graz for a few days before he flies out of Munich on the 19th. The plan looks something like this:

June 3 and 4: Florence
June 5 and 6: Le Cinque Terre
June 7-9: Venice
June 10 and 11: Hallstatt
June 12-16: Graz
June 17-19: Munich

That's the plan anyway. Hopefully things will go smoothly. Hopefully speaking Italian won't be so neccessary. Those of you who are the important one(s) will receive frequent updates on our whereabouts. No, I won't have as much fun on this trip with Jay as I had on our trip, Jamie.

Berlin.

This afternoon I'm taking a train to Vienna and then taking a night train to Berlin to visit some friends for a few days. I'll be in Berlin until Tuesday morning, when I'll be back in Graz. If you don't get any e-mail and you check the blog and are not entertained, I'm sorry. Have a great week.

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